When you have a moment with your kids after they come home from daycare or school or after waking from a nap, there’s nothing worse than spending that whole moment feeling irritable and snapping at them. 

Often, firmness is warranted. We can tolerate running around the car for a bit but eventually, it’s time to get in the car seat…now!

But do you ever find you get stuck in the mode of being firm and unsmiling and short for long stretches of time? Do you find it hard to bounce back to a more positive state of mind?

In my experience, this usually happens when a mom’s needs are not being met. You haven’t had enough fun or creativity or sleep. Your meals have been mindless and not very satisfying or nourishing. Your muscles feel tense because you haven’t been stretching or drinking enough water. You’ve been filling your precious me-time with doing chores or tasks. You haven’t watched a genuinely inspiring movie or escaped into a truly captivating book in ages. You haven’t done a personal hobby lately. These are just a few of the reasons for a stressed out, irritable mom. 

Another reason could be hormones. Premenstrual syndrome, postpartum hormone shifts and perimenopause can deeply impact relationships because they can make you feel like your emotions are out of control. 

So what’s a mom to do? Well, we have to do the opposite of the above as much as possible. Below, I talk about what that can look like. And believe me, I know, not all of these options will be realistic or even desirable to you - but maybe some of them will be. Maybe you can fit in one of these tips every few days or even every day. Maybe it’s worth a try if it means you can get a little closer to the enthusiastic, more easy going, more joyful version of yourself that gets trapped underneath your grumpy alter-ego.

• Get a book that’s a genre that you love and that takes you to far away places in your mind and replace some of your TV or phone time at night with reading it. Books can be more grounding and more immersive than TV. 

• Bring date night home when you can’t get out and consider bonus ones on weekdays. Maybe have some store-bought ice cream with your partner on the front porch or couch after the kids go to bed (baby monitor in hand). Or watch part of a really good iconic movie together. I don’t know about you but when I watch a quality, acclaimed movie I feel much more inspired than when I watch just any random thing trending on Netflix. 

• Think back to a creative hobby you once did and bring it back into your life even a little bit (art, crochet, photography, starting a bookstagram etc.). Humans need creativity. 

• Sit down at the table (maybe with some grocery store flowers as a centerpiece) and eat your meals and snacks mindfully. Eat nourishing meals and snacks without a screen as your meal partner. Imagine you're at a cafe if that helps you. Adults benefit from a sprinkle of make-believe too. 

• Look into a form of exercise that you can stick with even if that means using Youtube or a fitness app rather than the gym. Yoga. Pilates. Dance workouts. Whatever is interesting (and safe) for you. 

• Have a cut off for when you stop doing chores and tidying and can just completely do whatever you want. Ideally this would be something fun (like reading) and not just brushing your teeth and getting ready for bed. 

• Get support for any potential hormonal, psychological or physical ailments you have. You deserve to feel well. It’s hard to avoid feeling grumpy when you feel unwell. 

One of the most common goals I hear when I work with patients is that they want to be healthier so that they can have better relationships with their loved ones. This often includes feeling less irritable around kids and partners. Moments of grumpiness are inevitable. We’ve all been there. But we want to make sure this is not the mode that we’re in all the time - not only for the sake of others, but for our own sake too!